Le Bash

I'm very pleased to report I've survived the Team Christmas Do unscathed and will be a year closer to collecting my full pension. I was in two minds if I should go or not but in the interests of team bonding I made a fleeting appearance before making an early exit. It was rather like an excursion on holiday where you know the food is going to be shite and you'll be ripped off but you must enjoy yourself cos' it's Christmas. I wasn't disappointed, for nearly fifty quid the fare was rather a let down and at 4 quid for a small bottle of beer Stressed wasn't going to be embarrassing himself by rolling about in the gutter afterwards.

I was relieved that nobody managed to show themselves up, but have since heard that things didn't go too well on some of the other team's functions. The thing is with a police party, if anything happens the first people complaints come looking for are the supervisors. I'm not excusing poor conduct but why should I be held responsible for supervising grown adults on a private do when off duty? Wait a couple of weeks and there will be stories of police Christmas Do's going bent. I think we come second to professional footballers in the press attentions and maybe Harry Redknapp was smart in banning the Player's party at Tottenham.

I know people who have lost their jobs through antics over the festive period, and with a bit of careful planning trouble could be avoided. When I worked on a particularly infamous unit our Do's were planned to minimise antics. The party was always above a quiet pub in a private room not shared with other punters and contact with the public was limited . Anything happening out of order would only involve our own people and could be nipped in the bud early on.

The CID party also now appears to be a thing of the past on Division. The yearly free for all was frowned upon for the ensuing naughtiness and gossip. That's a shame because some of them were great. When I used to do some work for the squads I'd pick up a few invites and could really relax into it as a guest. One year I actually took a week off to attend Christmas Do's, and "The Squad" party had the best raffle ever.

Next year I think I'll be giving it a miss. I don't even like Christmas.